


How It All Came About

by Disastrous Denizen (JoTambles)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Gen, Warning: Deceit Sanders, projectiony, ventfic, venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 16:49:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18642133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoTambles/pseuds/Disastrous%20Denizen
Summary: All of the sides had eating disorders. How, why? What happened?





	How It All Came About

**Author's Note:**

> Literally just venty rambling/angst 
> 
> TW for: eating disorder shit in general, purging, deprecation, pro ED thoughts, fatphobia (probably)
> 
> Character thoughts don’t reflect my views, despite this being venting I’m still trying to find their thoughts, just, with my problems
> 
> (Also holy shit this is straight up like,,, the longest thing I’ve ever written in one go?)

Virgil didn’t know how it started. Really, he didn’t. He just knew that he hated it but couldn’t seem to stop it. This was partly due to, nervous as he was to admit it, unwillingness and fear. He knew it was why he always had his hoodie, it was baggy and concealed him well. If the others knew, surely he’d be made to recover, and he knew that wasn’t worth it. Well yes, it was worth it, but no actually it wasn’t. It couldn’t be worth it, or this would all be in vain, in fact this was somewhat all in vain anyways, oh god why is he like this, and why can’t he stop, and can he just stop needing food so this isn’t a concern? How did this even begin?

Roman had always just known. He had from the start, very intentional and knowing about what he was doing. He thought (and thinks, don’t think he’s recovered) it would make him skinny, thin, better, more likeable, prettier, the best side. His popularity was lessening, and if he was more attractive then surely that would help? Right? People like a pretty body, right? And people say thin is pretty, right? And starving makes thin, right? So if he starves, he’ll eventually be pretty, right? He was desperate for it to work, and it did. To the point that he wouldn’t even consider recovery, to the point that he’d fake recovering if he had to, he’d, he’d figure out special effects makeup to make him look “normal” to the others, he’d, he would keep going, whatever it took.

Patton, though not in denial, simply hadn’t realized anything was up at first. Hadn’t realized anything was up with his eating, he was cooking for his family pretty often, making sure they were all eating, he’d probably eaten too, right? Sure, all he could remember was the two cookies he’d had what, 5, 12, 19, 28? hours ago, but he probably ate, right? Nothing was up, most likely. Yeah, he was starting to seem scrawny, but, that probably didn’t mean anything. He really noticed something was up that time he found himself on his knees after a meal, having eaten more than he would have “normally”, now kneeling in the bathroom with his fingers down his throat, tears in his eyes, and a realization. This wasn’t normal to make yourself vomit, something was probably up. He caught on to his problem.

Deceit could, would, and will swear up and down the wall that he didn’t have a problem, or that he had eaten normally, or than nothing was up, or that he was perfectly fine with himself, or that his pet snake was very aggressive. Exactly none of these things were true, his snake was in fact very friendly. More importantly, he most certainly had a problem. At least, anyone with common sense would say so. He wouldn’t eat for days, and his lack of nourishment was no accident. He knew, if he put food in his mouth he’d swallow it, and that would lead to digestion, and that would lead to gaining weight, and he couldn’t have that. The other sides already weren’t very accepting of him, if he was thinner that might help? Maybe? He knew it wouldn’t, but also was desperate to try, desperate to think he had a chance of acceptance.

Logan was aware. He was aware of anorexia nervosa (with a restricting subtype) being a ruling part of his life. Did he care, however? No, it couldn’t be said he did. There were more important things to attend to. That had been how it started, hadn’t it? More important things to attend to? Time spent holed up in his room, work being more important that food, and then realizing he was smaller, more petite, skinnier after all his accidental fasting. The accidental fasting becoming purposeful, Logan always hidden working on “an important project that he wasn’t going to talk about at the moment he has to get back to work after all”, even if that project was looking in the mirror and thinking about what he most wants (“needs”) to change about himself. Even if that project was forming a careful set of specific rules to follow, or prepping a list of theoretical excuses to use if confronted (new slang vocabulary wasn’t the only type of language he had flash cards for). 

They all may have known to some extent something was not right with themselves, but did the others know? To their knowledge, they were all the only one. With them all skipping meals, there was nobody to notice one of the others missing. Or, as it truly was, all of them missing.


End file.
